The weight of the world
I’m struggling today. Struggling through the lifting session. Struggling with creativity. Struggling to find anything overall to focus on. My first set felt fuzzy. It’s an easy weight. It shouldn’t feel sloppy and uncontrolled and…like I said on Facebook, foggy. I pushed through and moved the weight.
On my second set I was gripping the bar before my clean, and just stood there…bent over…holding the bar. I hadn’t even moved it, and it…felt…so…heavy. It honestly felt like the weight of the world was on my back…and on the bar. It felt intractable, overwhelming, and impossible.
The weight was manageable, I’ve moved that exact number several times before…but today it felt heavy. My body felt tired and weak and I almost walked away.
Instead I stood up, shook out my hands, and then re-gripped the bar. I made the pull and put the weight up overhead.
Aaaaand suddenly, I started bawling…tears streaming down my face crying. No sobs (thank God that would have been humiliating) or shakes, but just quiet tears falling down my face and dripping down onto the mats.
I wasn’t crying from sadness, fear, or anything like that…I was crying from relief.
I was relieved…because I realized that the weight I had moments before felt so very impossible to move was now overhead…locked out and not moving. I was relieved because I had been convinced I couldn’t do it…couldn’t move the bar…couldn’t do something I’ve been doing for months because of all the external pressure and stress.
And then I did it.
External stress and pressure be damned, I did it. I didn’t move the weight of the world, I didn’t even set a PR. I just moved the weight and for that moment, pulling and then pushing it up, my mind and my body were blessedly free of everything but the weight I chose to move.
That’s what the time here is supposed to be about…You and the bar. You and the weight. You and moving it. Nothing external. You are supposed to be able to come in here and free your mind and only take on the load you CHOOSE. Outside here, you don’t get to choose your burden…life just hands it to you. In here, it’s just you and the bar and the weight and the movement.
Moving the weight you choose will help you cope with the weight you didn’t.